Take your shit and deal with it

I have been working hard at work lately. Which means I don't get on the computer as much as I would like to? Wows last night I was sitting there watching a movie which I have no clue the name of it. It was playing just for me I do believe. This chick had so many problems and then she would take on other people's problems also. Blah blah and it’s the end and everything is peachy keen. I sit and look at it like this.. I remember a couple of weeks ago I felt like I was walking down a hallway. People were walking out the doors. In their hands were 4x4's and each one would just hit me. They would knock me down and for dumb stupid reason I would get back up and let the next person hit me. So now the hitting has stopped. I am now walking down the same hall and people are again stepping out the their doors but this time they have these huge backpacks and they keep putting them on my back, Damn it can people just leave me. I want to only see my problems. I feel like I am going deeper and deeper in depression. My stupid boyfriend either doesn't know it or he just doesn't care. I sure that he just doesn't know it. Well I guess I better be going. Have a great weekend!!

my pain

Yesterday sucked big time. The drive there and home sucked. The wait in the waiting room sucked. I cried a lot about different situations. I guess my son is having a hard time with not knowing his bio dad. I knew it was a little problem but now I guess it’s a huge problem. I wrote him a letter last night. It was a hard thing to do. I don't want his wife pissed because I wrote. I just want him to be in his life. Sometimes I just don’t understand. Guys I am totally wasted. My emotions have gotten the best of me. I want to crash and burn. I feel like throwing in the towel but I can't.

A texted me and told me that she told her mom everything. I thought to myself okay she is either lying to because she don't want to go to the doctor or how much has she told her mom? Now she is telling me that she is up to her no good routine. Not eating not sleeping and taking a lot of pills. What am I to do when I am emotional maxed out already? I would feel like totally shit if she tried to kill herself and I didn't do anything about it. Her first love has broken her heart and she is 19. She feels like her life is over. I so remember that. The only thing I can do is just be a ear. Dang I wish I can take her pain away. I am tired just thinking about it. How can I tell her that life will get better when she feels like dieing now. Boy I need something but I don't know what yet. Please god give me the strength. I am going to call her after work and see if she wants to come up for the night. I better get back to work now.