So much going on right now but not enough time to write it down. Later

lazy sunday

It's Sunday and I am ready for my day off. I still have to wait till Tuesday which really sucks. A. called me last night and told me that her x boyfriend won't give her her stuff back and to leave him alone. I told her to text him back and tell him that he better be giving her her stuff back or you will to bug him all the time. Or to tell him that she will just have her parents work it out with his parents. I told A to start getting angry. She has been so nice to him since the break up that he has treated her like total shit. So now its her turn to be a jerk. Okay not the best advice but hey maybe she will be thinking what to do to him instead of taking pills and not eating. I just want her to realize that there is that someone special out there for her.

Went and bought a new blanket last night for my son. I took it out to him and spent alittle time with him. He is so ready to come home. I am ready but not ready. I hope that he understands what is about to come if he decided to mess up again.

My sister called me last night and told me that our aunt is in the hospital. She had to get blood transfusion. The doc was going to look at her today to figure out where she is losing blood from. Oh she is calling right now. News not so good but yet it could be worse. We just got to wait for a couple of days to see if its cancer or not. Much more details but I would bore you to death.

I so need to start exercising again. Damn I am getting lazy. Need to get back to work.

Take your shit and deal with it

I have been working hard at work lately. Which means I don't get on the computer as much as I would like to? Wows last night I was sitting there watching a movie which I have no clue the name of it. It was playing just for me I do believe. This chick had so many problems and then she would take on other people's problems also. Blah blah and it’s the end and everything is peachy keen. I sit and look at it like this.. I remember a couple of weeks ago I felt like I was walking down a hallway. People were walking out the doors. In their hands were 4x4's and each one would just hit me. They would knock me down and for dumb stupid reason I would get back up and let the next person hit me. So now the hitting has stopped. I am now walking down the same hall and people are again stepping out the their doors but this time they have these huge backpacks and they keep putting them on my back, Damn it can people just leave me. I want to only see my problems. I feel like I am going deeper and deeper in depression. My stupid boyfriend either doesn't know it or he just doesn't care. I sure that he just doesn't know it. Well I guess I better be going. Have a great weekend!!

my pain

Yesterday sucked big time. The drive there and home sucked. The wait in the waiting room sucked. I cried a lot about different situations. I guess my son is having a hard time with not knowing his bio dad. I knew it was a little problem but now I guess it’s a huge problem. I wrote him a letter last night. It was a hard thing to do. I don't want his wife pissed because I wrote. I just want him to be in his life. Sometimes I just don’t understand. Guys I am totally wasted. My emotions have gotten the best of me. I want to crash and burn. I feel like throwing in the towel but I can't.

A texted me and told me that she told her mom everything. I thought to myself okay she is either lying to because she don't want to go to the doctor or how much has she told her mom? Now she is telling me that she is up to her no good routine. Not eating not sleeping and taking a lot of pills. What am I to do when I am emotional maxed out already? I would feel like totally shit if she tried to kill herself and I didn't do anything about it. Her first love has broken her heart and she is 19. She feels like her life is over. I so remember that. The only thing I can do is just be a ear. Dang I wish I can take her pain away. I am tired just thinking about it. How can I tell her that life will get better when she feels like dieing now. Boy I need something but I don't know what yet. Please god give me the strength. I am going to call her after work and see if she wants to come up for the night. I better get back to work now.